Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Some Days are Just Hard
There are days when I can go about my daily activities and everything is fine. The waiting isn't too bad (because we stay so busy) and my heart doesn't seem to ache with each beat. Today has not been one of those days. Today I have felt like at any moment I might collapse into a ball of tears because I miss my "little man"! I want to hold him. Actually, I think I would probably just settle for knowing how he is! There's no way around it, no matter how much I wish there were....waiting and hurting. If there were a short cut around the waiting and heartache, believe me I would have found it!
On top of my already insane emotions today, one of my dearest friends in all the world received word that they are for sure moving. We knew it was going to happen at some point, but it's hurts to the core when the official date is given. Some days are just hard! It would be nice to stick my head in the sand sometimes and not deal with the hurt, but that's not possible. And quite frankly (even though I may not feel it right at this moment), I don't want to skip the hurt. I know that God is using each heartache and each hard moment to make me more into who He has called me to be! He is in control no matter what my emotions or hormones are saying!! So through the tears today, I'm going to recite to myself over and over James 1:2-4. " Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
God IS good all the time! I've just got to trust My Father!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Update
In case you're wondering how things are going on the adoption front.....we've finished all of our court dossier paperwork. Well, we've finished all the paperwork we need for now. The judge can request additional documents, but for now we've done all we can.
We get to just sit and wait now. That seems to be the theme of adoption if you haven't noticed.....WAIT!
In the stairwell of our home, I have a picture of Troy and me. Surrounding the picture are 8x10's of all of the kids. This weekend I enlarged a picture of "little man" and put him on the wall with the other kiddos. I love it! However, now every time I walk up or down the stairs I usually start to cry as soon as I see his sweet face. I cannot wait to see that beautiful face each morning in his bed instead of just a picture on the wall!
Please continue to keep us in your prayers! We covet your prayers more than you could possibly know. Thank you for following us on this journey. It means the world to us to have such amazing support!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Last Full Day in Russia - Day 5
Our last full day in Russia was spent on an airplane and in a car (literally, the entire day)! We ate breakfast in Perm (blini, of course) and then headed for the airport. We had about 30 minutes after breakfast before our driver was picking us up, so Troy & I took a quick walk up the street. We saw what looked like a church, so we headed that direction to take pictures. Since our time was limited we quickly snapped the pictures & headed back. Once we got back to the hotel I showed Tatyana the picture we had taken and asked her what church that was. Her response....."Stephanie, that's a mosque!" Yes, this preacher's daughter and her husband, a deacon, never bothered to look up to the top of the building to see there was a crescent instead of a cross!!!! All we could do was laugh!
We headed to the airport and boarded our flight back to Moscow. The flight was uneventful (my favorite kind)! We actually landed in Moscow early (it was around 1:00 pm Moscow time). Tatyana told us that Pasha would be taking us straight to the American Medical Center to have our 8 doctor physical and that Ludmila would be waiting for us there. We all got in Pasha's car. Not far from the airport, we dropped Tatyana off and said our good-byes to her. Pasha, Troy & I then headed for the medical center. We thought it would be a fairly quick drive. WRONG!!! We got stuck in the worst traffic jam I have ever seen! It took us almost 5 hrs to get there! 5 hrs!!! I was a nervous wreck because I knew we would miss our appointments and we were flying back to the US the next morning. We finally arrived at the medical center a little before 6 and poor Ludmila had been sitting there waiting on us since 3! Thankfully, the doctors waited on us.
The physical itself was no big deal. The psychiatrist kind of gave us the third degree, but we just answered honestly and as kindly as we could. We finished up there around 8:00 pm and headed to Ludmila's for dinner.
Dinner was fantastic, of course. She bought us some champagne so the three of us could toast our meeting of "little man". The three of us sat at the table and talked for hours. It was wonderful! Russia was actually beginning to feel like a second home.
We headed to the airport and boarded our flight back to Moscow. The flight was uneventful (my favorite kind)! We actually landed in Moscow early (it was around 1:00 pm Moscow time). Tatyana told us that Pasha would be taking us straight to the American Medical Center to have our 8 doctor physical and that Ludmila would be waiting for us there. We all got in Pasha's car. Not far from the airport, we dropped Tatyana off and said our good-byes to her. Pasha, Troy & I then headed for the medical center. We thought it would be a fairly quick drive. WRONG!!! We got stuck in the worst traffic jam I have ever seen! It took us almost 5 hrs to get there! 5 hrs!!! I was a nervous wreck because I knew we would miss our appointments and we were flying back to the US the next morning. We finally arrived at the medical center a little before 6 and poor Ludmila had been sitting there waiting on us since 3! Thankfully, the doctors waited on us.
The physical itself was no big deal. The psychiatrist kind of gave us the third degree, but we just answered honestly and as kindly as we could. We finished up there around 8:00 pm and headed to Ludmila's for dinner.
Dinner was fantastic, of course. She bought us some champagne so the three of us could toast our meeting of "little man". The three of us sat at the table and talked for hours. It was wonderful! Russia was actually beginning to feel like a second home.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Hard Day - Day 4
Our fourth day began with breakfast in our room, with Tatyana. We had quite a spread (bananas, pears, mandarin oranges, local pastries filled with potato and chocolate cake.....YES, chocolate cake)! Tatyana informed us that she had a meeting that morning with the district inspector, so a dark blue car from the baby house would be picking us up. I don't know about you, but I was a little nervous just waiting on the corner for a dark blue car. In fact, that's probably frowned upon to get in a car, in a foreign country, with someone you've never seen before! LOL As soon as the "dark blue car" pulled up, we knew it had to be from the baby house. A nice man helped us with our bags and we got in. Sitting in the seat next to me was a woman who worked at the baby house. In her arms, she held a bundled up baby. (TINY baby) It was all I could do not to reach out and hold that sweet child! I stared at her beautiful face all the way there! It ripped my heart out to know this precious little one was headed to a baby house. In that moment, I said a prayer for her. I prayed that God would lay a burden on a sweet couple's heart that they should adopt!! I continue to pray for that baby and I don't plan to stop!
Once we arrived at the baby house, I was chomping at the bit to get in there and see our "little man"! In fact, I think I may have run inside! This time they took us upstairs to a play room. It was extremely nice! Mirrors all over the room, lot of play equipment and tons of little chairs in a semi-circle. I got my shoes off, my surgical mask on (Troy got the camera ready), and we waited. In about a minute or two, the door came open and in he came. He came to us much quicker and easier than he did the day before. I instantly scooped him up in my arms and kissed him probably 100 times! We all then got on the floor and began playing. He went straight for the backpack. He definitely remembered all the toys that had been in there the day before. In the room, they also had a HUGE (over 5 ft tall) plastic ring stacker (you know the Fisher Price toy that has been around forever...it has a white plastic pole in the center and you stack the colored plastics rings on it largest to smallest). Troy leaned it over and took all of the rings off. It has 2 rings of every color. Next thing we know, "little man" is organizing all the rings by color and then begins to take them largest to smallest over to Troy to put on. Troy tried giving him one light green ring and one dark green ring, but "little man" put the light green one down and walked around the room until he could find the dark green one. I was amazed. All the workers kept calling him "the professor". We only had an hour and a half with him that day. We had to be back in Perm at a certain time to meet with a notary, so our time was limited. Each time I looked down at my watch I felt my stomach get tighter and tighter. Then it happened. Tatyana came in and said we had to go. How do you say goodbye to your son that you just met? How do you leave him in a baby house? In that moment I have never been so thankful for my God that is "a God to the fatherless". My God who promises to "protect the orphans". I held "little man" tighter than I ever had and Troy and I both kissed him. I of course cried my eyes out and we led him back to his group room. Over the past 8 years of motherhood, that was by far the hardest moment I have ever faced. Even as I type this, tears stream down my face and the pain of leaving my child overwhelms me. As much as my heart aches to have him in my arms, I know that God's got him in His arms and there's NO better arms for "little man" to be in!
On the drive back to Perm, I alternated between sleeping and crying. Nothing like a LONG car ride to make you sit and think and CRY! (On a side note, did you know that EVERYONE listens to techno music in Russia???? I don't care if I ever hear another techno song for as long as I live! 3 straight hours of it....torture! If you think it was bad for me, my poor husband who only listens to old country was about to die!)When we got back to Perm, we had to go straight to the notary's office to sign our official intent to adopt papers. After that was done, we went to a cafe and had some lunch. We all decided we needed a nap after that, so off to the hotel we went. I cried a little more in the hotel room and then got a much needed 2 hr nap!
After our nap, we met up with Tatyana again and went to our favorite cafe and had more blini (pancakes). Have I mentioned how much I loved blini?? We tried to find a place with WiFi after dinner. We went to a shopping area (like a mall), but I still had no luck getting the internet to work on our computer. After trying for quite a while, I decided to give up. I was beginning to think it just wasn't meant for us to have ANY communication with anyone outside of Russia. HA! I do have to admit though, it was nice not having to check my phone and e-mail every 5 minutes!!!
Going to sleep that night was difficult for me. All I could see was "little man's" face when I closed my eyes. We prayed for our son and prayed for the people that are caring for him and that the next few months would pass quickly!
Once we arrived at the baby house, I was chomping at the bit to get in there and see our "little man"! In fact, I think I may have run inside! This time they took us upstairs to a play room. It was extremely nice! Mirrors all over the room, lot of play equipment and tons of little chairs in a semi-circle. I got my shoes off, my surgical mask on (Troy got the camera ready), and we waited. In about a minute or two, the door came open and in he came. He came to us much quicker and easier than he did the day before. I instantly scooped him up in my arms and kissed him probably 100 times! We all then got on the floor and began playing. He went straight for the backpack. He definitely remembered all the toys that had been in there the day before. In the room, they also had a HUGE (over 5 ft tall) plastic ring stacker (you know the Fisher Price toy that has been around forever...it has a white plastic pole in the center and you stack the colored plastics rings on it largest to smallest). Troy leaned it over and took all of the rings off. It has 2 rings of every color. Next thing we know, "little man" is organizing all the rings by color and then begins to take them largest to smallest over to Troy to put on. Troy tried giving him one light green ring and one dark green ring, but "little man" put the light green one down and walked around the room until he could find the dark green one. I was amazed. All the workers kept calling him "the professor". We only had an hour and a half with him that day. We had to be back in Perm at a certain time to meet with a notary, so our time was limited. Each time I looked down at my watch I felt my stomach get tighter and tighter. Then it happened. Tatyana came in and said we had to go. How do you say goodbye to your son that you just met? How do you leave him in a baby house? In that moment I have never been so thankful for my God that is "a God to the fatherless". My God who promises to "protect the orphans". I held "little man" tighter than I ever had and Troy and I both kissed him. I of course cried my eyes out and we led him back to his group room. Over the past 8 years of motherhood, that was by far the hardest moment I have ever faced. Even as I type this, tears stream down my face and the pain of leaving my child overwhelms me. As much as my heart aches to have him in my arms, I know that God's got him in His arms and there's NO better arms for "little man" to be in!
On the drive back to Perm, I alternated between sleeping and crying. Nothing like a LONG car ride to make you sit and think and CRY! (On a side note, did you know that EVERYONE listens to techno music in Russia???? I don't care if I ever hear another techno song for as long as I live! 3 straight hours of it....torture! If you think it was bad for me, my poor husband who only listens to old country was about to die!)When we got back to Perm, we had to go straight to the notary's office to sign our official intent to adopt papers. After that was done, we went to a cafe and had some lunch. We all decided we needed a nap after that, so off to the hotel we went. I cried a little more in the hotel room and then got a much needed 2 hr nap!
After our nap, we met up with Tatyana again and went to our favorite cafe and had more blini (pancakes). Have I mentioned how much I loved blini?? We tried to find a place with WiFi after dinner. We went to a shopping area (like a mall), but I still had no luck getting the internet to work on our computer. After trying for quite a while, I decided to give up. I was beginning to think it just wasn't meant for us to have ANY communication with anyone outside of Russia. HA! I do have to admit though, it was nice not having to check my phone and e-mail every 5 minutes!!!
Going to sleep that night was difficult for me. All I could see was "little man's" face when I closed my eyes. We prayed for our son and prayed for the people that are caring for him and that the next few months would pass quickly!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Too Long Between Posts
It has been way too long since my last post! When we got home, I initially intended to write about one day of our trip everyday. Well....we've been home 3 weeks & I've only written about the first few days! Ah!!
The reason....things have been extremely busy! I told Troy yesterday that I'm convinced we have fewer hours in a day since coming back from Russia. Not only do we have a TON of paperwork that we're trying to hurry up and get ready, but our daily activities seem to continue no matter what! LOL This week Troy & I celebrated our 9th anniversary, one of my dearest friends gave birth to her fifth child and we attended a gala for the pregnancy center our church supports. (Did I mention that all of that happened in one day?)
On a side note, I found a small Russian food market here in San Antonio. I went there today for the first time. The owner, Sasha, and I talked for about 20 minutes. It turns out that she worked in an orphanage in Russia for 19 years! It was so great to get to talk to her! By the end of our conversation, we were both in tears.
Hopefully tomorrow I can finish up the last few days of our trip!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Day 3 Continued
Our visit with "little man" was way too short!! It was the fastest 2 hours of my life! I cried, of course, when they came and got him, but I knew we'd be back in the morning for another visit so I was o.k.
We left the baby house and walked to the cafe we had eaten at for lunch. The Dr.'s assistant joined us for dinner. When we got to the cafe, we sat down and noticed a large table full of women at the other end of the room. They were definitely there to celebrate! They would make a toast and then sing a song. About 15 minutes later, they would make another toast and sing another song. I loved it!! THEN...next thing we knew, all of the women got up from the table and went into the next room and began to dance. (Did I mention that these women were celebrating a 75th birthday!!! 75!!) They had disco lights and strobe lights going and started dancing to what sounded to me like techno music! (Tatyana later told us that it was old Soviet music that had been remixed.) They all danced for at least 2 hours straight!!! At one point, Tatyana said that we should go dance with them. So, we did!! (Well, everyone except Troy who sat at the table with our purses and bags.) I had SO much fun. After about 2 songs, we decided to sit back down and have some more tea. While drinking our tea, Tatyana kept telling Troy and I over and over that the two of us needed to go dance with the ladies. Guess what??? Troy did it!! I have never laughed so hard in my entire life! Those women were hilarious! They LOVED Troy. I couldn't even dance because I was laughing so hard. They kept saying things to me in Russian and of course I would just laugh and smile. (Who knows what in the world I was laughing and smiling about!)
We finished our evening by walking to a local grocery store. We couldn't find anywhere in town that served breakfast, so Tatyana wanted to pick some things up for us to eat. You would have thought we were feeding a large group of people! She wanted us to try a little of everything. She even picked up a chocolate cake. Now THAT'S my kind of breakfast! I think I should have been born Russian, because I could definitely live on pancakes (blini) and chocolate cake!
Once our groceries were purchased, we walked back to our hotel for some much needed rest. It was the first night that Troy and I were able to fall asleep with absolutely no problem! It's amazing what holding your child in your arms will do for you!!!
Dinner at the cafe in Kudymkar
Our hotel
Walking back to our hotel after dinner
We left the baby house and walked to the cafe we had eaten at for lunch. The Dr.'s assistant joined us for dinner. When we got to the cafe, we sat down and noticed a large table full of women at the other end of the room. They were definitely there to celebrate! They would make a toast and then sing a song. About 15 minutes later, they would make another toast and sing another song. I loved it!! THEN...next thing we knew, all of the women got up from the table and went into the next room and began to dance. (Did I mention that these women were celebrating a 75th birthday!!! 75!!) They had disco lights and strobe lights going and started dancing to what sounded to me like techno music! (Tatyana later told us that it was old Soviet music that had been remixed.) They all danced for at least 2 hours straight!!! At one point, Tatyana said that we should go dance with them. So, we did!! (Well, everyone except Troy who sat at the table with our purses and bags.) I had SO much fun. After about 2 songs, we decided to sit back down and have some more tea. While drinking our tea, Tatyana kept telling Troy and I over and over that the two of us needed to go dance with the ladies. Guess what??? Troy did it!! I have never laughed so hard in my entire life! Those women were hilarious! They LOVED Troy. I couldn't even dance because I was laughing so hard. They kept saying things to me in Russian and of course I would just laugh and smile. (Who knows what in the world I was laughing and smiling about!)
We finished our evening by walking to a local grocery store. We couldn't find anywhere in town that served breakfast, so Tatyana wanted to pick some things up for us to eat. You would have thought we were feeding a large group of people! She wanted us to try a little of everything. She even picked up a chocolate cake. Now THAT'S my kind of breakfast! I think I should have been born Russian, because I could definitely live on pancakes (blini) and chocolate cake!
Once our groceries were purchased, we walked back to our hotel for some much needed rest. It was the first night that Troy and I were able to fall asleep with absolutely no problem! It's amazing what holding your child in your arms will do for you!!!
Dinner at the cafe in Kudymkar
Our hotel
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